On Saturday, March 15, at 6:15 p.m., with family at his bedside, Jim’s race ended. Following his Feb. 8 post on this web site, Jim’s challenges increased. Emergency neck surgery followed on February 10, then a stay in the intensive care unit. Recently, Jim developed aspiration pneumonia. Finally, in mercy, God took Jim home to heaven. I was privileged to have been one of Jim’s Seminary professors. I was privileged to have assisted him in his ministry to the Fort Worth Cats baseball team. I was privileged to call him friend. Jim ran an outstanding race. He finished his course without quitting. Heaven is now even more special because Jim Hollars is there.

Dan Crawford (dcrawford@swbts.edu)

Fort Worth, Texas

We called it dog pile. It was a game we played on the bare dirt, rock-strewn school yard of Central  Elementary School in Vernon, Texas in the late 1940’s. I was in the third or fourth grade, 

As soon as we ran out onto the school yard for recess, some one would yell,”Dog pile on  Larry Hamm.” And we would  all go jump on Larry. Maybe 15 boys all piled on top of the first victim.

A we unpiled, Larry was rewarded with getting to pick the next victim. He would yell, “Dog pile Joe Bob Estes.”

Joe Bob would take off, running  like a jackrabbit, trying to get away.  But we would catch him him and all  of us would pile on again. I hated that game.  I was afraid that someone was going to get hurt—namely, me! it was a terrifying experience to be on the bottom of that pile.

Lately, life has reminded me at times of dog pile, but I would not admit it.

(Continue reading…)

SUN, JAN 13, 2008

It is 5:00 AM Sunday morning.  Twenty – four hours from now, if all goes as scheduled, Shirley and I will be driving to Harris Hospital for a 5:15 check-in for my 7:15 appointment with a surgical team headed by Dr Thomas Ellis, a neurosurgeon. The plan is to perform an operation on my neck called an anterior cervical carpectomy.  In laymen’s terms, they are going to try to repair a couple of vertebrae in my neck that are putting pressure on my spinal cord and leaving  it dangerously exposed to serious injury.Dr Ellis says the surgery will provide badly needed protection for my spinal cord. It is possible there will be some bonuses such as relief from some of the problems with speech, walking, and other functions as well as the pain in my hips and legs.

It is a serious operation, but Dr Ellis has done thousands of these procedures with a 99% success rate. More (Continue reading…)

I am numb. So is Shirley.

We have been running this race with Parkinson’s disease (PD) for eleven years. We have been high. We have been low. But numb? Numb is new. Numb is our response to our experiences of this past week.

EARLY ARRIVAL, EARLY DEPARTURE

At 5:15 Monday morning we checked in at the surgery unit at Harris Hospital. We were as ready as we could be for an Anterior Cervical Corpectomy*. Two hours later, at 7:15, we were leaving without having the surgery. For the second time in four months we had gotten almost to the operating room door, only to be turned away. In September, it was a last minute “Let’s check it one more time x-ray” by the surgeon that stopped exploratory surgery of my abdomen. We left praising God. More…

Monday it was a last minute realization by the anesthesiologist that I was taking a drug, Azilect, for Parkinson’s disease that could cause my blood pressure to spike while under anesthesia. I must be off the medicine for fourteen days before surgery.They wheeled me to recovery, gave me my clothes, I got dressed, we left. Numb.

SERIOUS PROBLEMS, SERIOUS SURGERY

I had prepared myself for a surgery that involved taking out part of the vertebrae in my neck that was pressing on my spinal cord and building some replacement parts that would protect the spinal cord—all the while not injuring the cord in the process.

We had seen the neurosurgeon a week ago Thursday. He emphasized the danger I am in as long as bone spurs are pressing my spinal cord. He talked about the possibility that my next fall could leave me unable to walk or even worse, leave me a quadriplegic. The neck surgery he wants to do is serious surgery that could solve some serious problems. I did not want to have surgery that was that serious, but I had no choice. To continue as I am is more dangerous. We agreed to go ahead.

WHO IS IN CHARGE HERE?

The closer I got to the operation the more Shirley and I thought about how serious it was. We thought about all the things that could go wrong when surgeons start working around one’s spinal cord. We thought about those things, but we did not fear them. We sensed God’s presence as always. We had settled a long time ago that He is in charge.

I thought back 35 years to something my first wife Nettie said when she was facing life-threatening surgery a few months before she died. She said, “I am not afraid. I am a little tense. I think there would be something wrong with me if I wasn’t a little tense, but I am not afraid.”

That is a good description of my state of mind as we drove to the hospital. Neither one of us had slept well. At 2:00 AM, I stopped trying and got up. I woke Shirley at 4:00 and we were on our way to the hospital by 4:50. We were ready. Two and a half hours later we were on our way home again. The big build-up, then nothing. Numb.

WHAT NOW?

What now? The surgery has been rescheduled for January 14, almost a month away. My neurologist told me to go back on the Azilect temporarily, stopping it December 30.

She says my PD symptoms will get worse while I am off the Azilect. Worse? I thought I was already at “worse”. At times I cannot control my feet and legs and I struggle to walk. There are times when I stammer and stutter, trying to get my tongue to connect to my brain so I can talk coherently. And that only a partial list of Parkinson’s induced “worse”.

Meanwhile, the bone spurs in my lower spine keep acting up. Several times a day the pain in my hips and legs reaches 8 or 9 on the 1-10 pain scale.

And I must constantly remind myself, “Don’t fall!”

Another month of living like this, then repeat the process of getting ready for the inevitable surgery. No wonder numb showed up.

During the eleven year Parkinson’s marathon, my emotions have run the gamut, from joy and peace to equally intense feelings of despair and fear. God has always been there—in the good times, in the bad times. I know He is here now.

I think He understands my numb.

A PRAYER FOR THE NUMB TIMES

Monday, I wrote this personal psalm.

Father, I know you are there. You always have been. When joy overflowed, when it was impossible to contain, You were there. When I was afraid, I could handle it because You were there. When I called out to you in despair, You were there. When I was broken, You brought a sweet peace, You were there.

Nothing has changed, has it?

I feel neither joy nor despair. I am emotionally spent. I feel numb. Eleven years of Parkinson’s, now spinal stenosis has joined in bringing its pain for today and tomorrow and tomorrow. I am numb. I don’t feel much right now.

But You are here.

*Learn more about Anterior Cervical Corpectomy, click on this link:
http://www.spine-health.com/topics/surg/overview/cervical/cerv04.html

My love affair with the Detroit Tigers began in 1984, our first full season to live in NW Ohio, an hour’s drive from Tiger Stadium. The Tigers came out of the gate winning in the spring, won all summer, and did not stop winning until they had wrapped up the World Series championship in the fall. I was hooked. For the next fifteen seasons, Hall of Fame broadcaster Ernie Harwell was in our home or our car talking about the Tigers from April to October. For three of those seasons I was assistant chapel leader for the Tiger’s top farm team in Toledo and got to know several players personally. They are my team.

One of the best loved Tiger players of all time was Alan Trammell, who was the team’s shortstop for an incredible 20 years. Early in the 1985 season, Trammell injured his throwing arm. The doctor said it would take time for the injury to (Continue reading…)